New Year’s Resolutions: 2010

Over the last little while I’ve been contemplating my goals/resolutions for 2010. They are pretty personal to me but the process I’ve gone through and the sorts of goals I’ve  made are what I’d like to share.

Establishing an Overall Purpose

I know that without an overall purpose to my goals, I could pick almost anything but they might not serve me as well as they could.

Really looking at my life, although I can so easily lose sight of it, I know the only thing that matters is the spiritual. So my overall purpose in my goals is to realize the spiritual within…

Spirituality is very much something internal but I’ve found external things, like freely giving my time to teach others spiritual information, to be immensely beneficial in my inner growth. So I structured my goals into external and internal aspects.

External Goals

I chose 3 goals that demand a certain degree of inner work and sacrificed to achieve. They are goals that can be directly seen in the external world (accomplishing certain projects to help others, etc.)

I can’t veer off track if I’m working my best to achieve these goals because they demand a very serious commitment in spiritual practice.

These goals act sort of like a glue.

Internal Goals

I chose 3 goals that are more or less purely internal…

I reflected on my current spiritual state and what it would take for me to get from where I am to the next level. This also involved assessing my greatest internal obstacles (psychological defects or harmful tendencies) and selecting some to work upon diligently.

These internal goals are the real substance of reaching the spiritual.

Looking Forward to 2010

And so, I look forward to the challenges of the new year. If I stick to my goals, this could be one awesome year!

I hope everyone out there has a peaceful, happy, and productive new year!

How We Affect Our Environment

I recently had an experience that showed me a little about how much we affect our environment through our moods and feelings.

This experience was outside my physical body. I must admit that my experience wasn’t as clear as it could have been (due to a lack of self-awareness) but I still feel that I gained a little deeper of an understanding of negativity.

It seems that feeling negative in one moment is actually far more harmful than just in that single moment. Negativity  breeds negativity. And with enough of it, these negative vibes can spread beyond us and actively pollute our surroundings.

Let’s imagine that anger is the colour red – to give an, albeit mediocre, analogy. Then in anger, it’s as though we have taken a bucket of red paint and splashed a little on the walls of our room, maybe some on the table, and on ourselves. We may come back a few minutes (or perhaps a few hours) later and be calm – after we washed ourselves off, but there is still anger in the room (stains on the wall, the table, etc.) because of how we felt before.

It is kind of interesting to see things from that perspective so I wanted to share. For me I guess it’s an added motivation to not let myself get dragged into negative states as I’ll be making it harder for myself in the long run if I do.

The Deception of Christmas

Let me start by sincerely wishing you all a very merry Christmas.

This blog is a bit of a reflection on the meaning of Christmas and my personal goals for the season.

I’m not in the sort of position to speak with a divine authority or condemn anyone, but I can’t help but feel a deep uneasiness when I look around and see “Christmas.”

I saw a beautiful quotation the other day, “it’s what’s inside that matters most” – an advertisement  for cell phone applications at Christmas!

I saw a Christmas card, describing Christmas as the time of year offering the world a hope of peace… We’ve had THOUSANDS of Christmas’s and never has the world had peace. Not once.

I know of many yearly gatherings centred about getting together to drink large quantities of alcohol, binge on an excess of food, spend exorbitant amounts of money on meaningless gifts – all given the title of a “Christmas Get-together.”

There is certainly a spiritual significance to this time of year (in terms of radical inner change and a hope for salvation from our inner darkness), but my sad feeling is that a scarce few, at most, have found it.

Going to church and getting together with family, even telling others how much we love them, doesn’t put an end to all the sufferings of life and all this and excess. Arguments still start up, the sufferings of those who are not well off continue, and each day in this season continues as the previous day with little or no lasting change.

At a point yesterday when I wasn’t being poked and prodded by sharp instruments, I had a brief chat with my dentist and he made the comment on how fast life seems to go by and how quickly he turns and looks and sees Christmas time/New Year’s arriving again – almost in a supernatural manner. An interesting observation I’m sure we can all feel when we really look at our lives. They just seem to pass by.

There’s something so wrong about all of this when put into the context of “Christmas”: these “skin-deep” interpretations of the season, the lack of real happiness, the indulgence in pleasures, and the apparent wasting of time.

Why is it like this?

If I look within myself, I see so much selfishness – just the desire to be entertained, to have more, to “call the shots” when with family/friends. So little real love. I know this because I seen it.

I’m not proud of this. It’s a horrible way to live. Yet I know if others actually looked within, they could find the same shocking emptiness and darkness within as well.

And no form of belief, no family gatherings, no gifts or any of this can rectify this bitter reality. We can hide from it by hoping things will be better the next year or after death, or that maybe a new cell phone or set of golf clubs will bring us real happiness… but in all this, hiding seems to be the only thing possible.

So what can be done?

Thank God change is possible, and from the little of it that I’ve seen there is a such thing as real love and peace. But it requires more than just living a normal life or adopting various external traditions of the season.

I see a need to change from the way I am – or perhaps “from what I am” – into a more spiritual person. And so that’s what I’m trying to focus on this special time of year is really changing within: to learn about myself in all circumstances and not allow myself to carry on in the same way. I aim to die inwardly to anger if my family makes me angry, to die to my gluttony and to the countless other negative states.

My goal or hope this Christmas season is nothing external, but I want to find peace within and be a source of peace for others.

Some further insight

For some further reflection, on Christmas I’d highly recommend this talk on the Celebration of Christmas.

Hatred from a Spiritual Perspective

The other day, someone made a simple comment to me that really hurt me. Their words were like an arrow of fire that went right into my heart. In that instant, I hated them. In my mind I thought of vengeance.

I saw this terrible reaction with horror and used a technique to eliminate this hatred. Within a second or two, I felt calm and clear. Although this whole incident lasted for all of a few seconds and I didn’t say or do anything harmful, I knew there was something very deep that needed to be uncovered…

Back at home, when I finally had the time, I relaxed my body and carried out a meditation upon an ego, wanting to understand that hatred in more depth, and to root it out of my psyche. I learned a lot.

I saw that the hatred wasn’t just “hatred”: it related more to my self-image. I saw many circumstances in my life that brought it forth – from events as early as elementary school up to the present.

I saw how this negative aspect of myself manifested itself through jealousy, fear, anger, and many other negative states. I also caught a glimpse of how beautiful my life could be, if I were truly free of this inner state.

These insights will be very useful for my inner journey…

Astral Travel Tip

This is a short story on what could be useful to other astral travelers out there.

A few days ago, I was falling asleep on my side and I became aware of the usual sensations of splitting from my body – the heavy-light feeling, some tingling, etc.  I remained calm and just observed these feelings. Then within a few seconds I could see around my apartment in the astral.

Unfortunately, I felt too heavy to get up – perhaps I hadn’t fully separated from my body. But I managed to try something new that seemed to work: I focused on one of the pillars in my apartment while lying there. With my focus on the pillar, I found myself floating towards it, very slowly. And soon enough I was standing beside it.

I wasn’t aware enough to stay out very long – I was back in my body very quickly. But I learned a new strategy for those times that I’m stuck halfway between the physical and the astral. It was also one of the few times I’ve projected from lying on my side – I usually find lying on my back to be most effective.

I’m a Robot

Recently I had the occasion to give a series of very long presentations to a large group. I’ve always found social interactions – and especially public speaking – to be great occasions for self-discovery. These presentations were no exception.

My greatest insight came after I’d been speaking for a couple of hours (these were long, like I said). I was explaining a certain topic and I suddenly had a great clarity in observing myself.

I was standing there speaking, but I was detached from the person (“me”) giving the presentation. I felt a great peace and serenity – everything seemed so clear.

But what was astounding is that I (this peace) was separate from this me giving the presentation. The thoughts I was having, the way I was using hand gestures, what I said and how I said it were very mechanical. It’s as though I was watching a robot carry out a very mechanical task.

I made the effort to be the one talking – instead of these robotic states – and I think I was able to speak in a more conscious way. But ultimately, I think my astonishment got the better of me.

This has had a deep impact upon me. As much as I can, I try to be at peace in the present moment and act consciously… but this little experience showed me how vast and complex my psyche really is, and how important it is that I learn to see myself clearly. Who knows how much of my life is lived in this robotic way that I’m not even aware of!

Awake While Asleep…

I just wanted to relate a recent experience I had in the world of dreams…

Throughout the night, a couple of others and myself had set the goal of doing a series of astral projection exercises throughout the night with the aim of consciously projecting into the astral plane and asking for a spiritual teaching.

In the hours leading up to my attempts, I made a special effort to be in the present moment, fighting hard against a stream of thoughts and negativity. When the time came to do start my astral projection exercises, I began to concentrate upon my heart beats. My concentration was stronger than I had expected, due to my efforts to be aware. I kept the focus on the beating of my heart as my body began to fall asleep.

Alas, the moment of sleep arrived, but in that last instant I lost my concentration and was off in the world of dreams…

I found myself on a bright summer day, back at my old house in Winnipeg. As I walked up the driveway, I greeted one of my friends from down in California…

Something seemed a little fishy… it’s mid-autumn now. I live in Vancouver. And my friend in California should still be there. Aha! I knew I was dreaming!

I immediately made an extra effort to be clear and in the moment. I stood there, now alone, outside my house on the lawn. And that’s when I decided to ask for a spiritual teaching…

A while later I woke up, feeling refreshed and inspired from my adventures out of my body.

Many Thanks

For us Canadians, this past (long) weekend was Thanksgiving!

In the evening of Thanksgiving Day, I contemplated for a little while, in a meditative fashion, all the things I’m thankful for. Some things are personal so I can’t share, but I wanted to share a few points – some which one would expect, and some which may sound a little surprising at first.

I am thankful for…

A wonderful upbringing: My parents were always very loving and supportive. I got to try all sorts of hobbies, go on inspiring trips, and really have an awesome home-life.

All the painful parts of my life: Yes! I’m actually grateful for them. Although painful times aren’t nice to go through, there’s a lot that can be learned from them. I may have been picked on in school, but it showed me how bad it is to hurt others. I may have had food poisoning (likely more than once…), but I learned to better appreciate the health of my body. I may have had a few broken bones, but lessons were learned – often lessons teaching me to be more alert and to not put myself in harm’s way.

For finding the Gnostic teachings with The Gnostic Movement: All my life I had been searching for something more to life than what I could see. All my life I had been seeking understanding, and a means to overcome the awful thoughts and feelings I sometimes had to go through. Thanks to lots of guidance through the events of my life, I eventually found free spiritual teachings that really gave me the means to change in a deep way and experience wonders beyond the imagination.

For all the precious teachings in every moment: If I’m mindful and clear, I can’t help but be astounded at the teachings given in every moment. Every time someone snaps at me without cause, I’m burdened by too much work, I get an opportunity to speak with a colleague or supervisor, or anything at all, I can learn so much about myself by looking within.

For circumstances beyond what I feel I honestly deserve: Amazing and genuine friends, a great family, the occasion to pursue higher education, etc. So much to be grateful for.

For help for things to turn out okay: Somehow, even when things are not so good (facing financial difficulties, etc.), by just having faith and doing my best to address the situations (sometimes very hard to do), things have generally turned out okay – sometimes very near the critical hour.

The list could really go on forever…

The Speed of Life

Time is a curious thing. I’ve felt a lot of things lately in regards to time. A lot of these feelings have come through recent events I’ve gone through. I’ll relate my feelings through a couple of short stories/anecdotes.

1. Over the summer I was doing some theory work in a physics research institute. It’s not the job that’s so important here, but the passage of time. Somehow time seemed to fly by. I remember wishing one of the secretaries a good weekend one Friday afternoon as I left… it seemed as though I blinked… and the next Friday had arrived and she was wishing me a good weekend. Overall the whole summer seemed to fly by: despite all the work I did there, my outings on the weekends, etc., it all vanished into nothingness.

It’s worth reflecting on this, I believe. What would have made that time more valuable?

And… if a summer can go by like this, just doing “ordinary things” like work, hanging out with friends, etc., can a whole lifetime not go by the same way? What needs to be done to make the most out of life?

2. I recently had to go through an agonizing process of applying for research funding, combined with an equally agonizing amount of work outside of my researching and schooling. Night after night I was up late. Day after day I went from meeting to meeting, running errand after errand, sending email after email, catching bus after bus. And things just seemed to get more stressful and difficult…

As part of the funding applications, I needed a document from someone and they agreed to help about a week before the deadline. Yet as the deadline approached, we seemed to have lost contact – no phone – no email – not in the office. Time relentlessly progressed…

The deadline passed and I didn’t get that document. But through a miraculous turn of events, there was an extension by 24 hours, and I wound up receiving the document 2.5 hours before the new deadline.

Many other issues came  up – computer problems, online applications deleting all my work, etc.

Seeing these states of anger, anxiety, despair, within myself was a wonderful gift,  however. Amidst these circumstances, I was really fighting a battle against myself: I strove to overcome all the negativity that was arising within me. Things were bad, yes, but all this suffering in time came to an end. And within all of it – in every second of it – there was something precious for me to learn.

There were certain points of this busy time when I had won some battles against my inner darkness and I really felt at peace – completely detached from all of the events – and it felt as though time did not exist…

Remembering Dreams

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by my dreams: their mysterious nature, and how some seem to be saying something very meaningful. I’ve had recurring dreams, flying dreams, scary dreams, symbolic dreams – so many different types.

I wanted to write briefly about one of the most exciting times in my life. It wasn’t exciting because of what was happening to me externally – just school, work, and the usual. It was exciting because I began to explore a whole other world: the world of my dreams.

One morning after waking up, I couldn’t remember any dreams (this happens to a lot of us). But I began chanting the mantra Raom Gaom – a mantra that I had been taught to remember dreams. I lay there, deeply relaxed, focusing solely upon the mantra. I kept chanting it for about 10 minutes straight and then suddenly I was bombarded with memories of dreams. I could scarcely believe how many dreams I could remember!

I remembered many meaningful dreams. It was a terrific experience. Over the next few days, I continued with this mantra in the morning with the same results. Through my dreams I was learning a lot about myself, as I could intuitively sense their meaning. Each morning I was going deeper and deeper into my psyche and all the events of my life, by studying my dreams.

Really I can barely put into words what an amazing time it was. And ever since then, I have tried to incorporate dream recall as part of my life.